


Lonely Gods

by karlamartinova



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Crossover Pairing, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-31
Updated: 2011-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-15 12:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karlamartinova/pseuds/karlamartinova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor travels to forget, Helen fights for life, but what could cause when these two meet?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely Gods

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after "Christmas Carol" and in the Sanctuary "Pavor-verse" so spoilers up to this episodes are a fair warning!

The TARDIS felt lonely for the Doctor. He dropped Amy and Rory for a proper honeymoon and tried to look excited that it would be just him and his old lady again. But he needed companionship and the Doctor never did any good when being alone.

They were so happy together; Amy and Rory, and he felt a deep ache deep inside. After Rose he almost forgot how love feels like, was is so beautiful like he tried to remember? Or was it just a fleeting feeling that leaves you even more dull and lonely?

Kazran’s words struck him, it wasn’t easy to admit but yes, the Doctor would to anything to be with the love ones again. The problem was, they didn’t need him anymore.

Rose had the other him, Donna was married to someone who didn’t endanger her life on daily basis and River was coming in and out of his life, he didn’t have chance to fall for her yet, even when her words spoke of so much truth. She knew him and it scared him.

The Doctor looked at the screen and typed random numbers. He needed to travel and to forget, with the new danger looming over the universe, there wasn’t time to think about being lonely. It never did him any good anyway.

The TARDIS landed with the usual hissing sound and the Doctor took his coat and exited his ship. The sing that greeted him wasn’t anything pleasant and he turned around to go and check the date. It was 13th May 2017, the year when the human race almost died out.  
It was one of the dates everyone remembered. A virus expanded among humans, a virus that turned them into inhuman creatures that thirsted after blood and death. It was one of the events when the Doctor thought humans will finally gave up, but they didn’t. This was the reason he cared about them so much, the hope and belief in something better.

The Doctor moved from his spot to look around, it was a sight of destruction and death, but he couldn’t just leave.

He stopped in front of a wire fence. It wasn’t anything unusual. He remembered very well how the people had dealt with infected. When there was no cure, the only option was to stop its extension by locking them up in such “camps”, it wasn’t very humanly thing to do, but the Doctor though that they really didn’t have any other choice.

A small bunk was built in the middle, probably so they could warm up just a little. The Doctor shook his head; he really shouldn’t torment himself with this and turned around when a scream from the other side caught his attention.

“You can’t do this! There are children here, you need to save them!” a woman voice screamed from the crowd on the other side. The Doctor run there, the curiosity always got him to the wrong places at the wrong time.

And then he saw her. Dark haired woman stood near the fence and screamed at the officer on the other side: “Please, at least help the children!”

But the man shook his head, the obvious discomfort evident on his face even thought the gas mask. “I have orders madam, those children are infected.”

“But you need to find a cure,” her voice was firm and the Doctor wasn’t sure if there was a fear in it, desperation maybe, but she definitely wasn’t afraid for her own life.

“There is no cure,” the man in the mask said and the woman bend her head in defeat, but it was just for a moment. The Doctor stared at her when he finally saw her eyes. She could have been around her late thirties but her eyes spoke a different story. He saw triumphs and falls there, death and resurrection and when they met his, his hearts pounded in his ears.

She saw him too and run over to the part of the fence, where he stood.

“Please, you must help me save those children,” she pleaded and the Doctor felt an overwhelming need to fulfill her proposition. But he knew he couldn’t, this whole infection was a part of bigger plan and he wasn’t sure how much bad could his intervention do. For a moment he wished, that he studied this period more carefully.

“I’m sorry but I can’t,” the Doctor answered trying to emphasize the sadness he felt. But she didn’t take it so easily.

“Please,” she whispered, her voice soft and pleading and he recognized she wasn’t used to plead this much. He could see pride and strength, knowledge and passion. He could see how much this world changed this woman and he really wanted to help her.

But he also remembered what caused the last intervention he wasn’t supposed to make. The sound of gunshot and his own mad laugh, time lord victorious was wrong and he couldn’t change it.

The Doctor just shook his head and turned around, surprised that her voice died along with his refusal.

He couldn’t get it out of his head the whole way to the TARDIS. Why did she stop pleading? Why didn’t she scream at him, made him turn back? There were many choices, maybe she finally felt the massive defeat upon her shoulders, and maybe she accepted her fate along with the fate for the many children closed in the space with her.

There was still one choice, a choice that bothered him the most. What if she was able to understand him? What if she saw the fight in him because she was too forced to make difficult choice? What if she was more like him?

He tried to stop this train of his thoughts and entered the TARDIS. His old girl blinked her lights feeling his thoughts.

But they wouldn’t leave him, the “what if” going over and over in his head, the desire to do something, to feel something again, to be himself again. It was there, all along in him and the Doctor felt the exact moment when he lost.

………

Helen always expected dying to hurt, she expected to close her eyes and never opened them again, and she expected dark. But her eyes hurt and were forcing her to open them and when she finally did, there was a light. Lots of light, a light she never saw before.

It wasn’t a normal bulb, more something like a laser.

The sound was very different too, it was like someone was humming, it was peaceful and Helen almost forgot where she was moments ago.

 _You are safe._

Helen jerked awake and sat up looking around. She was lying on a big bed, the sheets were dark blue almost as dark as hers and the unnatural lights were blinking. She looked around for something that could have been communicating with her that way. The only telepath she knew before was her Sanctuary mermaid, but to her knowledge she was still swimming through the Pacific sea right now.

Helen was completely alone in the room. It confused her, so that meant that whatever was telepathically communicating with her had to be somewhere else. That piqued her interest immediately; she never knew such an abnormal.

She took the blanket away from her body and stood finding her shoes next to the bed. At the edge of the bed was also a clean shirt and Helen didn’t waste any time and changed. She was in her clothes for too long now.

It was her decision to spent time between the infected, she observed them, tried to decide which one was infected and which one was there just because the rest of the people were afraid. But Helen didn’t have enough time; the news about the bomb came too soon. The government shorted her even the little time they promised her.

And she was almost sure that not all the people were infected, some of the children were showing immunity to the virus. She could draw their blood and maybe, finally maybe find a cure, but they didn’t listen. There were too many deaths, too many infected and they needed a solution now. But Helen didn’t have one and so she was sentenced to death along with the others, with those children.

Helen tried to grasp that idea because something changed, she wasn’t dead, she was very much alive on the place probably far away from the camp. Maybe she still had a chance.

The room lead to a long hallway full of golden light, the humming was louder with each her step and Helen suspected that is way of leading her to certain place. And she was right, after few turns she came in the room, where the humming was the strongest.

The man she saw near the camp was leaning on something that looked like a big computer, lots of screens, buttons and levels. It looked very much like an old sci-fi movie Henry liked so much.

Helen came closer and the man raised his head to look at her. He seemed surprised to see her and jumped from the computer straightening his shirt and coat. Helen thought he looked too young for his clothes, or this place.

“Oh, you are awake. That’s good, that’s very good. I was afraid that the explosion did hurt you after all. How are you feeling? Well? Maybe you would care for some tea?”

She wasn’t sure if he was nervous or this was his usual way of speech but Helen had to admit, he looked almost cute. She took some time to observe him, he wasn’t ordinary by any means, the way he moved, he talked, it told her stories she was ready to listen to. But first, she needed her answers.

“Why am I here?”

It was such a simple question that it took Doctor by surprise, so he chose a simple answer.

“Because I saved you.”

Helen could see that this wouldn’t be an easy conversation. It seemed like he felt guilty about saving her, like he shouldn’t do that and she really couldn’t imagine a good reason for that. But maybe he was afraid of the infection; Helen wouldn’t put her bets to that.

She chose to ignore all this; there was only one thing she wanted.

“Could you take me back? To those people I was imprisoned with? We need to save them as well; they are my chance to find a cure,” Helen said moving closer to him, pleading him with her look. Helen Magnus wasn’t used to plead this much but this world changed already so many things.

It didn’t change him obviously, because he was furiously shaking his head. “There is no cure, any cure. This is bound to happen. I already probably caused a paradox by saving you. I am not even sure why I did it. Are you important?” he asked suddenly and Helen really didn’t know how to answer this question.

“I am not sure if I can judge that,” she answered that impossible question and looked at the man opposite her expecting some reaction, probably some normal reaction that would explain all of this.

But he just kept shaking his head and looking from her to the computer screen; he pushed some more buttons and murmured to himself. “You must be important, play some role. I wouldn’t save just someone. You must be more than that,” the last sentence was spoken very loudly. He looked from the screen to her and then back. There was shock on his face and Helen was starting to be afraid.

He used his long fingers to ruffle his own hair and massage his face, he looked nervous and afraid. It was anything but an expected reaction.

“No, no, no! I shouldn’t have done this, oh rassilion, how could I do something this stupid!” he exclaimed and leant over the console in the middle of the room.

After few seconds he looked straight at her.

“You are Helen Magnus.”

Now it was Helen's turn to be shocked. She didn’t have any ID with her and she went into the camp under a false name because she was sure they wouldn’t let her in, but here was the strange man knowing exactly who she was.

Helen nodded. “Yes, I am. But that is not important; you need to take me back. We need to save those people.”

He shook his head again. “No we can’t! You are supposed to be dead, Helen Magnus as all those people, but you are here alive. It happened again, I changed the future and it shouldn’t be changed. The earth almost died out, just to be reborn; it’s written in books that way. Oh, what did I do again?”

And Helen, in all her knowledge didn’t have any clue.

……….

The Doctor couldn’t believe it. After he finally lost it and saved Adelaide Brooke, he did the same mistake all over again.

Now he completely changed the history by saving Helen Magnus.

If someone could find the cure it was her. She was a genius, someone who was above others just because she wasn’t afraid to see the world with different eyes. In many ways abnormal were aliens, in many ways aliens were just evolved humans. The universe needed to begin somewhere and for the Doctor it was sometimes scary to think that the universe might evolve on earth.

But even he didn’t have that kind of knowledge. It was forbidden by his own people.

Now there was another problem, he couldn’t take her back. On the Earth, Helen Magnus was dead and it had to stay that way. The future depended on it. But somehow the Doctor doubted that it would be easy for her to see that.

“I can’t take you back to the Earth,” the Doctor said not realizing how different his words are for her.

And yes, Helen was confused. “You mean to say we are not on Earth?”

The Doctor snorted in frustration. “Oh yes, I forgot. It’s natural for me. And to answer your question, no we are not on the Earth. We are currently in time vortex, on my ship, it’s called the TARDIS, I like that name. It means Time and Relative Dimension in Space, clever isn’t it?”

He grinned stroking his ship in a way it always got a teasing session from his companions. The Doctor didn’t mind much, he loved his ship, what was wrong about that?

“It travels thought the time as well, that’s the reason I can’t bring you back. You should be dead Helen Magnus and by saving you I probably caused a time paradox that could change everything. You can never ever go back,” his voice deadly serious and he could see her trying to accept his words. She was faster than any other person he had aboard TARDIS and it seemed, more stubborn as well.

“You must bring me back! There are people dying! You could cause whatever you want but can’t stop me from saving all those innocent people and abnormals,” her voice was serious too and to emphasize his point, she make sure for him to see that she isn’t afraid.

Helen came closer to him; their eyes were in the same level. And the Doctor could see that this wouldn’t be easy at all.

……

Oh, yes. Helen Magnus witnessed many strange things in her life. She hadn’t a problem accepting that the time travel or space travel was possible or that this man in front of her was an alien. But she could never ever accept that she would outlive all the people close to her heart.

She lost already too much.

The hole in her heart after Ashley’s death was never really mended and Helen never expected or wanted it too, but losing everyone else wasn’t an option.

She needed to persuade him.

“Tell me who are you,” Helen said and sat on the next behind him. It surprised him and he turned toward her, leaning his back on the console.

“I am a Time Lord; I travel through time and well, do things. Usually the ones I am not supposed too. You can call me the Doctor,” he said and was surprised when Helen outstretched her hand to him.

“Helen,” she said with a smile that he could see wasn’t a sincere one. She could see him looking right through her, playing him wasn’t the wisest choice. But there was so much at stake.

The fleeting touch ended and silence fell upon the main room, because no matter what one wanted to say the other just couldn’t understand.  
…….  
 _  
He wants her to understand; he does and tries so hard it’s new to him. He takes her to the future, to see New Earth, New New Earth, and then New New New New Earth and so many others human colonies that shows what humanity is capable of creating._

 _The Doctor sees that she likes what she sees, her eyes light up with every new discovery like his did hundreds years ago. She asks and observes and then asks some more._

 _And when they come back to the TARDIS, pleads him to take her home, he refuses to and she turns and goes to her room._

 _Helen learnt how to communicate with TARDIS really quickly and her room was a perfect copy of the one she occupied at her Old City Sanctuary._

 _The Doctor is glad that his ship tries to make her happy, but sometimes he minds that she could bring a smile to her face. He didn’t manage that no matter how much he tried and letting that book fall on his head was a little painful._

 _But Helen stays cold toward him, offers smiles and hugs to people they meet and save, she takes children on her hip and tends little wounds they stumble upon their travels._

 _She says she only needs to hear “yes” from him but the Doctor knows better. Helen needs to forgive him and that’s exactly what he wants and trying to accomplish that becomes his ultimate goal, but after so much thinking and plotting, the Doctor doesn’t understand why he needs it so much._  
………..

There was a shrilling noise in the console room that wasn’t coming from the TARDIS and it had Doctors immediate attention. He looked furiously around the room trying to pinpoint the object but nothing seemed right.

The Doctor was distracted when Helen entered the room, a cup of tea in her hand. She looked at him like he was crazy; she used to do that a lot. “It’s a cell phone,” she said and took a small sip from her cup and pushed her lips together finding it still hot.

He looked confused. “What would a cell phone do aboard my ship?” he asked nobody in particular but then remembered. “A cell phone, of course, Amy left it here when she and Rory left.”

After that, he was able to easily find it. “Amy?” Helen asked.

The Doctor turned to her, glad she was paying him at least some attention. “Amy, Amy Pond, my companion. I dropped her and her husband on Delta X3 for a honeymoon,” he explained but Helen just shrugged and sat on the pilot seat. She was interested but trying to hide it, somehow it made him feel better.

The cell continued to shrill and the Doctor finally remembered to answer it.

Helen observed him talking and nodding. Yes, she was interested, the Doctor never mentioned any companion. She did notice few things lying around that shouldn’t belong to him but she didn’t ask. She didn’t want to be interested. Like she didn’t want to like this life, the traveling and so many new wonders, she was supposed to be on Earth fighting for her loved ones. But the Doctor took it from here and agitated so many conflicted feelings in her.

Helen just wanted to go home and in the corner of her mind, she didn’t. Because it might be already late and the Doctor might be right and there is no cure. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to see it, to watch them all die in front of her eyes.

For a thousandth time Helen wondered if the Doctor was her savior or the one, who would destroy her in the end.  
“Well, Helen Magnus, prepare to meet the Ponds,” he said cheerily and she saw him this excited for the first time. Now she was much more interested.

……..

TBC  



End file.
